The Final Friday in May

 

Flashback Friday

I miss myself.  Feels like I've been in mourning so long that I have lost my glow.  My skin is dull, my eyes are hollow, and I lack enthusiasm.  My spirit doesn't feel familiar to me.  

I hope that makes sense.

I've never grieved like this, and if I could just decide not to feel this, I would.  Most times, I don't know that I am crying until I feel the tears on my cheeks.

Involuntarily crying has unlocked a new level in my broken heart.

I lost two of my daily routines.

I lost my babies.

I miss them.  I miss the 5:00 AM bathroom breaks, I miss the silent conversations, I miss knowing what they needed and being thanked with a kiss on the hand or a rub on my leg for assurance.  I miss silent acknowledgement.  I miss unconditional love and faithful friendship.  I miss laughing at them being silly and stubborn.  I miss their smiles, I miss their frowns, I miss their whimpers for attention and food after eating a full meal.  I miss them sitting on my feet.  I miss telling them to "GO HOME!" and watching them ignore the command and walk to me...  Just realized I was their home, they were not ignoring me at all 💡💡💡

I miss watching them run into their decked-out cages for comfort, but most importantly, treats!  I miss being known by them, I miss being seen by them, I miss nurturing them, I miss protecting them, I miss them protecting ME! 😊 I miss Chief & Rosie.

I miss the pieces of me that have changed without them beside me.  

Now, it is time for me to readjust and live a life that incorporates all the values that I learned from taking care of my two best friends.

Processing these feelings has not been easy, yet I hope that I have developed a level of empathy to assist another person who has to experience this.  I believe I am kinder, more patient, and more accepting of others, having been taught these characteristics by the two dog babies I will love forever! 

I will honor their memory by being everything they were to me.